my missing-in-action passion

I can't actually say it's totally gone. It still shows itself every now and then.

My visual of it would be the spurts of water that escape an over-filled tea pot when it boils, causing the tea pot to emit what would sound almost like a choking gurgle, instead of a whistle.

Passion in life. Passion for life. Passion. Just passion. Where could it have dwindled into? It took me here where I am today, yet I could swear I am just floating through every day, in the general sense.

I get a few minutes of bravery every now and then, when I would have enough courage to ask myself what I am still passionate about. Where is my passion? Top five answers my over-analytical or over-worked, or even over-rationalizing got me:

1. It's just there, but I've had to focus on everyday stuff, which requires a bit of mechanical action. The brain soon picked up on the pace and tone. But of course, the spirit or heart didn't want to be left out.
2. Learned helplessness. Not quite pessimism, but nearly there. This I learned from Martin Selligman in his book, "Learned Optimism". I just talked myself out of it because someone or something, or some events talked me into a "not worth pursuing" mode.
   
3. I forgot what I was passionate about.
4. I chose to cover myself with armor and lost the ability to feel, even my passion.
5. Uhmmm, it was never there to begin with? Maybe I built it up too much, expecting some fireworks and fervor everyday, but this only happens in the movies?
   

I made a promise to myself a couple of years ago that I would blog, if only to keep my passion going. Chicken and egg. I wanted to keep writing, even when I had no writing assignments or PR work, so even if I was never the type to journal, I just had to get on the blogging bandwagon. Then I just couldn't begin. A professional blogger told me to start with something I was passionate about. So I thought about it. And then I thought about it some more. Seriously, wasn't I passionate about anything at all?!!!!!

Thank God a former assistant/coffee buddy/good friend told me that as far as he can see I was passionate about coffee, and that's how the javajiving began. Here on blogger and on multiply.com. Bear with me while I take you and myself through this short history lesson, because I'm back to square one and I don't know why. Passion.... a powerful emotion; boundless enthusiasm. Hmmmm.