The juggler fumbles

It has been an exhausting seven days. I have been through a roller-coaster of emotions and, as much as I attempted to stay positive, I buckled down a couple of times.

All throughout, I yearned for some quiet time, and I did finally get some at night, but there was just so much in my mind, it was hardly quiet up there!

So just to clear my mind and lighten the load on my chest, I am giving myself the benefit of these random top 5's in my mind at the moment:



Top 5 hilights of the week

1. My very ill youngest child, finally admitted into a hospital for observation, diagnosis, and treatment for at least the dehydration, after two days of persistent high-grade fever in spite of paracetamol and bedrest
2. Needing to sleep in a freezing hospital room with my sick child for four nights straight
   
3. Being unable to skip my two workdays as consultant, especially because we had a scheduled press conference
   
4. Term exams of the older children who were left to study on their own
5. My child, going through daily lab tests, IV feed, hourly monitoring, then diagnosed, treated, and discharged from hospital, whoohoo!
   

Top routines I missed

1. my child's constant chatter and lively company
2. working out
3. productivity (in that 1-2 day consultancy account) and the excitement of the press conference at the workplace and control over the situation at home
   
4. being home when the older kids arrive from school and the subsequent chaos that the scene at home turns into
5. Facebook and blogging (wifi didn't reach the hospital wing where our room was in)

Top 5 elements of my roller-coaster and matching reactions

1. uncertainty -- hyperventillating, coffee-overdose, lack of sleep, staring into space, craving for a smoke (and giving in), *arghhhh*
   
2. optimism beginning to crack - breaking down at least 3 times, and falling asleep earlier than usual out of exhaustion, only to have to awaken every time a nurse comes in to monitor the patient's vital stats. When everyday seems to gets a bit worse than the last, and you're the only one trying to stay positive, the sun will come out tomorrow begins to sound brittle, not bright.
   
3. anger, short temper - but of course, I had to eventually vent!
4. lack of focus/preoccupied mind - losing my way to the press conference and getting caught making a turn into a wrong street, and issued a traffic violation ticket by traffic cops - breaking down *arghhhhhhhhh*
5. guilt about not being able to help my other kids with their needs - tossing and turning, more stress, more coffee, more smoke, worry

Top 5 things I should be thankful for, in spite of the above

1. My daughter has finally been discharged. TGIF tomorrow and I won't be in a hospital room!
2. Press conference went well, even without my attending the first half
3. I didn't get into any vehicular accident
4. Older kids did not commit any major disobedience of house rules in my absence
   
5. Sleeping in my own bed tonight.

There's still the buzz of the last days and a bit of chaotic noise in my mind for a moment of quiet solitude to work, but I think I'll take sleep these ones out in the meantime. Juggling is a skill I thought I had mastered, but sometimes, I just juggle too much with a pace that is a bit too risky, and naturally, I fumble. That was the week that was, and hopefully, I have learned some lessons for the next juggling cycle.